Before I got the idea for this blog, my only concern was leveling a druid. I had been watching guildies enjoy their moonkins and kitties and bears and thought, “y’know, I have a baby druid already, but he isn’t a troll, which is an obvious tragedy.” So I rolled a new one.
Nothing big planned, just a new alt of many. My initial thought was to level Paz as a moonkin because of my love of ranged and the badass red moonkin form. I had it all in my mind already: the fluffy harbinger of all things starry and death-flavored, barreling down Azeroth, spraying starstuff across the wilderness, meeting hot babes and rescuing dragons from other dragons. I was going to be a badass.
All of that changed when my first DF pug happened. I remember queuing up and hearing the healer ask, “so who’s tank?” A quick look told me it was the paladin, and I said so, shortly afterwards adding “the… ret paladin” with a sigh. Okay, so the tank is spec’d retribution, that’s fine, it’s Deadmines, no big deal.
(Cue comedic “what’s the worst that can happen?” from lead actor.)
My first indication that this would be a difficult run was, after picking up the dungeon quests (a topic I want to discuss at length later), the tank running up to the teleporter. At this point I was confused more than anything, standing by the door leading to the first sets of trash, shrugging it off as simple curiousity. Somehow, though, the seconds dragged on and we were still waiting. Now, I am a patient man, and I do not mind waiting, and the last thing I had on my mind was spamming “/p GOGOGOGO”. Still, something seemed off.
The tank was furiously running around the teleporter, in and out of the pad, like he was trying to use it. Okay, that’s fine. He’s new, but knows instinctively what a teleporter looks like, so he’s trying to use it. I can more than deal with that, and even felt eager to help out a new player.
Mage: “tank u cant use it yet, this way”
And the mage starts moving towards the doorway. The tank doesn’t seem to understand and keeps running around the teleporter, with what can only be a fervor saved for the insane.
Priest, healer: “cmon bro, u can’t use that yet. you need to come this way.”
This, for whatever reason, breaks the ret paladin out of his madness and he joins the rest of us to clear trash. However, being methed out on whatever it is Sunwalker’s smoke in the plains of Mulgore, he did this by running into no less than four packs and swinging wildly with his sword. By the time he got one white hit on an orge, the wipe was implied (I think I saw Paz look at me and sigh).
Before anyone got back to their corpse, the “tank” was Vote Kick’d. Cue the shaman DPS, from the same guild/realm as the tank, calling us bad and claiming how we were crying about the tank. Standard issue dickwad, non-refundable. During a daring display of wit and courtesy, the shaman pulled two trash packs onto us and died while the rest of us ran out.
By this point (and remember, this was Paz’s first ever DF experience) I was fed up. After I ran out and was ported back to Org I ran to the Valley of Wisdom to retrain my talents. For a measly 1g I was a bear tank with a crapload of +Int gear, ready to solo entire dungeons with my impressive mana pool.
After a short fight with the shaman, we (myself, the new tank; a goblin mage; and a goblin priest) kicked him and got a fresh group… with a new ret paladin just as clueless as the first.
Problem the first: he had Righteous Fury on. Despite myself and the priest reminding him countless times that, as a DPS, he did not need the buff, he seemed not to hear us. Eventually, the priest decided not to heal him.
Paladin: “heal nikka”
The, uh… the run didn’t really recover from the trenches of stupidity. Please keep in mind that myself and the mage had expressed interest in whether or not the new paladin was, in fact, a new player. (The priest, fed up with the paladin pulling aggro, asked why we didn’t just kick him.) Had this been the case I would have had no problem explaining exactly why Righteous Fury was a Very Bad Thing for him. The problem lay in his silent pulls, the way he expertly taunted boss mobs while I was tanking, the way he moved five paces to the left directly into the fire (where he stood, bathing in flames, until the priest yelled at him): in essence, he just seemed… like he wasn’t that good at the game. Not new, per se, just a bit lacking.
If this is any indication of my future experience tanking in the dungeon finder, I may have to bring consumables during every instance. And by consumables I mean Crown Royal. And by Crown Royal I mean I’m going to get very drunk before doing any of this.